Autumn is here and is often a time for a clear out of the old, whether that's clothes, de cluttering the home , looking at changing jobs or reevaluating relationships. From my experience Autumn is usually the time when clients make resolutions to change , to look towards reaching their person goals , to strive towards potential in life and relationships.
What about people who feel stuck in Autumn who start to dread the cold days and early dark nights? ... Who often leave the house in the dark and come home at night , what if the thought of a Winter fills us with dread or fear?
A very wise person once said to me "there is nothing to fear accept fear itself". I agree but what if fear in itself stops us from reaching our goals, our potential , or moving on from pain and hurt?
How often have we spent so much time and energy trying to change things that we can't change or trying to bend the will of someone else to make changes we wish them to make?
I call this "living in the grey areas of life"
Let me explain where I believe the grey areas of life comes from .....
Believe it or not our brain patterns enjoy black and white thinking , we feel safe when we have rules, boundaries, when we know we're were going , clear in mind what we are doing and how we are going to get there.
Often we fall into the trap of living in this grey area , or being forced into this area by outside influence or finding ourselves living with or working where rules, boundaries and safety are not clear or sometimes in abusive relationships where another person uses grey thinking to control, confuse or manipulate.
How often in our lives have we tried to change situations because we believe we can change the outcome , change the person or even with sheer will power can make another person see us or see reason?
Albert Einstein said that Insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results .... For me Repeating the same mistake over and over again and expecting a different outcome is something we humans tend to do when we are living in the grey.
We need to accept "it is what it is, instead of trying to create thoughts of what we think it should be".
By being more present in the moment , not living in the past, or trying to focus so much on the future we can stop living in "the grey areas of life".
We may have dark nights ahead but as someone once said it me "Tammi there will always be a sunrise and light ahead".
If you would like to make more resourceful changes, to be more aware and become more resilient contact Tammi and Max today.
How many times have we looked into the distance and hoped things will change....??
How many times have we said I hope tomorrow will be different?
How many times have we questioned , will today things will change
Have you thought ...We hope that he/they/them will finally see what your trying to show or tell them?
Have you ever thought if only....?
Over the last 25 years working in the helping profession I have witnessed many different types of hope... but the main themes that I've noticed is that as human beings we try to hold on to "hope" rather than asking yourselves "why" .
Why do we hold on to something we know we can't change or fix? Life is not easy , it's clear that as humans were prefer when things are simply black or white ... How many of us are facing grey areas of our life's and use up all our energy trying to change or shift things that we now can't be changed or fixed. Shouldn't we be looking in the here and now? Being present within ourselves , taking responsibility for ourselves rather than another or the world.
A very wise person once told me that "hope is a killer for woman" as we hold on to hope even when we know there's nothing left to hold on too.
I feel that as woman we have to be more aware of how are thoughts are transferred to our feelings and as woman we have to be more responsible for ourselves and how by being more aware, being more resourceful , we can rather than just hope we can do and move forward.
If you would like to hear more about how we can move on from 'hope' and channel our energy into being more resourceful than contact :-
One of the first questions we tend to ask ourselves and the world is "why"....???
Why's that? .....I hear myself as a child
Why do I have to? .... I said as a teenager
Why does it hurt? .or happen to me ....I felt and said as an adult
Do we ever grow out of asking "why"?
I think as we grow older we not only still ask ourselves and the world "why?" but we add to the questions we ask "when?", "who?", "how?" and "if I". Do we ever stop to ask ourselves "now"?
Questions are how we find our way in the world, how we mould our beliefs and social moulds, how we lean about our families and social rules. How we as individuals develop and grow as people.
Somewhere along the way we can get "stuck" in our beliefs of the world and this can keep us from being our true self, stop us from feeling happy or even unable to move forward.
Have you ever felt you are repeating the same mistake over and over again? Socrates said "the definition of madness was repeating the same mistake over and over again and expecting a different outcome".
How many of us can relate to this? Isn't it time we stopped repeating the same mistakes? Isn't it time to be more aware of ourselves , be more resourceful, open up to the possibilities of transformation and most importantly taking responsibility for our own lives.
Instead of asking "why" or "what if I" shouldn't we be open to challenge ourselves to move forward and no longer have that sense of "feeling stuck", not feeling happy or unable to enjoy life. We need to be living in the "now".
If you find yourself intrigued by the possibilities of transforming and learning to let go of our old non resourceful 'self" then lets start here today.
'I find myself between homes. I have ten days from leaving my old apartment, to moving into my new.
Family have rallied. I have a comfortable room, and an airbed to lay my head. My possessions are in storage.
Not having my own living space, nor most of my belongings,got me thinking…'
There are many people who find themselves really homeless, and the numbers are increasing sharply. In 2016 the homeless rates in England for example, rose to 275,000 according to research undertaken by the homeless charity Crises, with the majority of these being male (74%).
People can find themselves homeless for many reasons, but Crises state that there is a ‘distinct nature’ to the events and triggers for women’s homelessness.
As someone who works in the area of domestic abuse, I found the issues highlighted by Crises, relevant and disturbing . They conducted interviews with homeless women, and these showed that over 20 per cent became homeless to escape violence from someone they knew. The majority of these, 70 per cent, were fleeing violence from a partner. And due to physical and sexual abuse, homeless women are also more likely to have greater levels of mental illness than men.
My move was planned, nesseccary and ultimately a positive event. And yet, I struggled to sleep for the first few nights. Even though my hosts have been warm and welcoming, I felt a bit of a burden. I miss having access to my ‘stuff’. There’s no doubt about it, it has affected me more than I thought it would.
So I begin, just begin, to appreciate how it must be for a women who has been forced to flee from someone she trusted and loved. To have to leave her home, possibly for good. With no clear idea of where she will live. And almost certainly with very little of her ‘stuff’. And carrying the effects of the abuse on top of all this.
When a women is living with abuse, people often say, ‘why doesn’t she just leave?’. Well I have ‘just left’ my home, and for all I know it will be for the best, it’s still unsettling and upsetting. Infinitely more so in the circumstance’s these women find themselves.
And so, this small but significant change in my life circumstances, has given me a deeper and more visceral perspective on my approach when working with women who live with abuse.
“Your house shall be not an anchor but a mast.” Kahlil Gibran
Our New Online Wellbeing and Mental Health Units will be available by the end of April 2019.
Awareness and self care - £25
Managing your wellbeing and Self Care £55
contact us for details
BLUEPRINT ONLINE PROGRAMMES
Blueprint offers 2 programmes for professionals wishing to work with or work more effectively with men or women, who are living with, or have lived with, abuse from their partner. You may be a professional who works with families, you may be working in a supportive role with an individual within a family and want to develop more awareness on how to engage men or women to address their own personal issues.
Blueprint also offers 2 programmes for individual men and women who want to become more aware of their situation and develop tools and techniques to help themselves and move on if they wish to after living with abuse from current or past partner.
These programmes can be used together in a supported environment between a professional and an individual if they wish to do so, to support each other and encourage open communication and learning from both sides on impact on living with abuse and how professionals can support you in your choices and become more aware of what help and support is available.
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PEER TO PEER NETWORK - SUPPORTING THE SUPPORTERS
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